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2 Step Guide to Avoid Holiday Season Meltdowns

 

The holiday season is a time of familial and communal celebration… It can also be anxiety and depression provoking for many of us. There are heightened expectations, many more social obligations, and it truly can be an emotional roller coaster, where we feel as though we are being pulled in a thousand different directions.

 

Here are my 2 suggestions for making it through the next few months with minimal emotional scarring and meltdowns.

 

 

~Practicing Gratitude~

Here is why practicing gratitude is important. This Harvard Health Publishing article explains that thinking about and expressing what we are grateful for increases our own sense of well-being and can improve the moods of those around us. Further more, if you are stuck in a negative thought cycle, taking a moment to meditate on what you are grateful for in your life can give you the space your mind needs to get on a different track. You don’t even have to write it down; just stop, close your eyes, ask yourself the question, “what am I grateful for?” And think about that person or thing for a few moments. THAT’S IT. It can be totally private, and certainly does not need to be broadcasted over the internet (i.e. #Blessed) to make it legitimate and effective.

~ Exercise ~

Well you knew this was coming at some point! This article from the American Psychological Association explains that exercise can help alleviate depression in the short term AND long term. You can do an experiment all by yourself… after a stressful day, go for a brisk 20 minutes walk, do you feel better or worse after your walk? I rest my case.

Even outside of the holiday season, the most common excuse for not exercising is “I’m too busy.” So let’s redefine the idea of exercise; instead of skipping the gym because you can’t fit in a full hour, commit to a 15-20 minute workout at a higher intensity. What about a brisk walk during your lunch break or before/after work?

~ Final Thoughts ~

Beware of perfectionism, it runs rampant this time of year. Slow down, take a big breath,  open your eyes and check who’s driving the bus. Is it Pammy the Perfectionist or Down-to-Earth Debbie ? Pammy will drive you over a cliff, Pammy didn’t even pass her drivers exam… BEWARE OF PAMMY.

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Phone a Friend

Here’s something most of my close friends know about me; when I am feeling depressed I isolate myself. It is so incredibly difficult for me to reach out to anyone for help. And “help” just means getting together to talk in an environment where I feel accepted and loved. It doesn’t mean getting answers to problems. After about 7-10 days of depression I FINALLY relent and will call/text a friend or family member to get together to talk. And guess fucking what? I FEEL BETTER. EVERY. TIME. So why the intense resistance?

 

Why am I so afraid to reach out to people that have told me time and time again that they love me and are there for me? 

 

 

FEAR LIST

  • I will be seen by my friends as weak and they will lose respect for me
  • I will be seen by my friends as mentally disturbed, and that will freak them out
  • My friends will pity me
  • I will lose some kind of power within the friendship
  • I will violate my friends’ expectations and that will upset them

Have any of these fears ever manifested in real life? In my experience, no, never.  My initial gut reaction is to suffer in silence. But the cool thing about being a human is we have CHOICES. It seems obvious, but how many time has your brain been hijacked by a childlike self that steers you right over a goddam cliff? For me, like 50 times.  Putting my fears on display is super uncomfortable, but that’s how I know its productive. Changing behavior is all about practice, so the more I practice vulnerability, the easier it will become.

Counter arguments to my fear list…

  • I will be seen by my friend as weak and they will lose respect for me

OR: My friend will be honored to be the one I turn to in my time of need and our friendship will become stronger

  • I will be seen by my friend as mentally disturbed, and that will freak them out

OR: My friend will relate to me and say the most comforting of phrases, “Dude, I totally know what you mean.”

  • My friend will pity me

OR: My friend will respect me for having the courage to share my feelings

  • I will lose some kind of power/control within the friendship

OR: Letting go of the power dynamic (which is a thing I made up in my head) will bring us closer together

  • I will violate my friend’s expectations and that will upset them

OR: My friend will be relieved that I am also a human that goes through hard times

I hope this was helpful to you and remember ALWAYS PHONE A FRIEND, you will never regret it. We are social creatures and we need one another and there is NOTHING SHAMEFUL about it. Much love to you all!

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Surviving Your First Yoga Class

When I first started attending yoga classes over a decade ago, I remember feeling totally out of place and very uncomfortable… physically, mentally, and emotionally. The movements felt foreign and awkward. I thought everyone else was experiencing this deeply relaxed and blissful state while flowing through the poses, and I would think, “there is something wrong with me that I can’t relax and I am uncomfortable.”  Deep down I knew there was something good about this whole yoga thing, and I continued to practice, trying all kinds of classes and styles, and eventually becoming a yoga teacher myself. 

5 things I wish someone had told me when I first started:

Do your research – Find a reputable studio and a beginner style class. Email or call ahead to make sure you’re prepared and you know what to expect; how early you should arrive, do they provide all of the equipment/props, etc. Just because your friend Monica LOOOOOOOVES this class taught by the dude, blah blah blah, does not mean that’s the right class for you. Ten years ago I took my poor friend Kate to a Bikram class for her first yoga experience and she had to leave 15 minutes in to vomit…. I rest my case.

What to wear – High waisted leggings (no flare/bootcut,) a snug tank top with a sports bra, and a hoodie/sweater. You will be bending over A LOT, so don’t wear pants that you need to keep pulling up or a shirt you need to keep pulling down. A baggy shirt will be falling off you the whole time you’re in downward facing dog, or any standing forward fold, which will be distracting and annoying for you. The hoodie/sweater will be lovely at the end for final resting pose (savasana) where you lie on your mat for 5-10 minutes. Even if you’re hot during class, it gets chilly during this pose while your body is motionless.

Introduce yourself to the teacher – Come a few minutes early and introduce yourself, let the teacher know that you’re new, and tell them if you have any previous injuries. As long as the class isn’t humungus, like over 18-20 people, an experienced instructor will be able to offer modifications for the poses and keep a bit of an eye on you to make sure you’re staying safe. Be aware that, unless otherwise stated, the instructor may touch you in order to enhance or adjust a pose. 

Use all props available – At the very least have 2 blocks close by at all times. If there is a bolster (looks like a long pillow,) grab that too. Using props is not a sign of weakness, it’s just plain sensible. It will not inhibit progress or the effectiveness of the practice. It WILL make the practice safer and more enjoyable. I let my ego get in the way of using props for years and when I finally got over myself and began using them it was heavenly. I still often use blocks for countless poses; triangle (especially reverse,) pyramid, half moon, pigeon, and more!

 

 

Don’t get too stressed about the breath – A lot of classes nowadays are Vinyasa style, meaning linking breath to movement. The teacher will be cueing when to inhale and when to exhale for a lot of the class. I remember this really stressing me out, like oh shit I’m already breathing out and she’s saying to breath in, what do I do?!?! Just do your best, and keep breathing, thinking of the breath as the wind in your sails, the force that moves you. The quality of breath that can be achieved through yoga is glorious, and it’s what many attribute the post yoga “high” feeling to, but it takes time.