Recently I have been taking more action. I went through my twenties preferring to be inconvenienced rather than risk inconveniencing someone else. No doubt a symptom of an extreme people-pleaser. I thought that putting others’ time/feelings/priorities above my own meant I was a “good” person. When in balance and done skillfully, selflessness can be a healthy practice. When done out of fear of voicing one’s own needs, like I was, it is detrimental.
I’ve started challenging myself to question things I’ve accepted as “the way it is.” For example, I had a block of clients starting at 7am on Mondays and every Sunday starting around 3pm a ball of anxiety would start growing in my chest, AKA the “Sunday Scaries.” My thinking was, “I am a personal trainer and this is just how it is, I have a crazy schedule that eventually will run me down and I’ll have to give in and get a ‘real job.” Then a lightbulb went off; it was totally within my power to at least TRY to change these circumstances.
I asked my Monday morning clients (via email) to move to Tuesday morning and anxiously waited for my inbox to explode with angry replies, like “you’ve got some nerve” and, “who do you think you are?!” Instead, everyone graciously changed their session days without a peep. Well, whaddya know? Now I don’t go into the gym on Monday mornings till 10 at the earliest and my Sundays are lovely till the very end.
I ask myself a lot of questions now, especially if something doesn’t feel right. Like, is there anything you can do to change it? What is the risk of making that change? Is the reward worth the risk? I don’t do this alone. I am lucky to have a partner, friends, and family that are super smart and supportive that help me talk through things. Oh, and a therapist!
What are you accepting as “just the way it is”? It may be something that is so ingrained in your belief system that it doesn’t jump to the surface. Really give it some thought and don’t be afraid to shake things up! A “no” won’t kill you. I will leave you with a quote from the one and only, Oprah, “You get in life what you have the courage to ask for.”